TRAUMA and STRESS

 

 

 

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, trauma is defined as "a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury." This pretty well applies to most of the human race for who hasn't had to deal with an emotional, mental or physical stressor sometime in their life. There are a myriad of mental and emotional traumas that humans can experience such as abuse, loss of a job or loved one, financial woes, child-raising problems or excessive worry. Add to this the stress of an unexpected illness or broken bone.

 

Just daily living creates stress with our fast paced society, high technology, loud noises and overcrowding. Time, of which we never seem to have enough, becomes a stressor itself as we have so much to do with so little time. We become accomplished jugglers, tossing one ball after another, filling our days with endless activities, leaving little time for rest, reflection and relaxation.

 

One secret to reducing stress is to SLOW DOWN, breathe deeply and stay in our bodies and out of our minds. The mind will hold us captive with its 70,000 thoughts each day as it tries to maintain an upper hand in our lives. As helpful as the mind can be for problem solving, it is not to be in control of our lives. We are not to be controlled by our mind or emotions but rather by our center of being-ness which is our link to the Divine. When we slow down, breathe and stay in our bodies (which are always in the present), we can align with our Higher Source. From that place real inspiration and intuition arises and God's voice can be more easily discerned. From that place, we come to realize that 'all is perfect' and useful for our soul's evolving and that God will give us the strength we need to deal with whatever life presents.

 

(I will be giving a talk entitled "Transforming Trauma through Spiritual Awareness" at the Peregrine Book Store in Prescott, Arizona on May 9th at 2pm. It is free and all are invited.)

Paths up the Mountain

Today is Easter Sunday and I have been reflecting on the Christian belief of my childhood that
 Jesus, the Son of God, died for our sins, rose from the dead and ascended into heaven. I realize that many in the world do not hold to this belief. They may see Christ as an avatar or holy prophet but not the Son of God. Why? Because most of the major religions have their own avatars or holy ones such as Krishna, Buddha or Mohammed. Where does this leave us?

Obviously, there are many paths up the mountain which have the potential to lead us to God. Each path has been created by the followers of the different holy and enlightened ones who have been on earth. Source in its great mercy has sent us over the years many actualized beings to point the way Godward. They have come at certain times and to certain parts of the world to reach people. My belief is that if we sincerely and we good intention follow the path, whatever that path may be, we will find God.

Let us stop competing or putting down others religious beliefs. There is room for all the trails that wind up the mountain. And, don't they all lead to the top where God can be found!

TRANSFORMING TRAUMA THROUGH SPIRITUAL AWARENESS

Have you been a victim of abuse be it sexual, physical or emotional? Have you experienced a loss in your life of a loved one, a relationship, job or money? We have all experienced trauma in one way or another throughout our lives. According to Buddhist teachings, the human condition is one of suffering. The question is: How do we transcend our traumas and suffering?

For some individuals, suffering or trauma brings them down, creating depression and feelings of hopelessness while others seem to survive trauma with grace and equanimity. For instance, a woman who has been sexually abused as a child or raped as an adult can suffer long term effects and carry deep resentments which often lead to depression. A different women can see how the abuse helped to shape her into a forgiving, more loving person. This latter example is my story and is detailed in my book "Stepping Outside the Secrets."

How did I come to a place of peace regarding all of my sexual abuse? It was through a spiritual journey of seeing things differently, of seeing through "spiritual eyes." I sought out spiritual teachers  and learned to view reality in a new way through their teachings. I believe I chose my life experiences (being sexually abused by my alcoholic father and others) before I even came into this life so that my soul could evolve in this incarnation.

My early abuse drove me deep into my childhood religion for comfort. I spend hours reading spiritual books and going to Church to be able to endure the abuse. Later, I studied to become a psychologist to "understand" my father. Thus, my path was laid out for me to become a transpersonal (or spirit-centered) psychologist to help others. Everything was perfect. Once I understood this, it was easy to forgive my father for he played his part perfectly in the divine dance.

I also came to the realization that I am not my body. While we have bodies, minds and emotions, we are more than this: we are spirits! We are spirits in human bodies which are given to us as vehicles to co-create good or Godliness on this planet. Once we are aware of this we can more easily detach from whatever traumas are presenting on our lives. Everything that happens to us happens by God's will and our job is to learn from the experience and transcend it. Staying attached to our wounded-ness only feeds the body, the ego, and not our spirit

GOD SAVE THE WOMEN & CHILDREN

An old Cheyenne Indian saying goes, "A nation is not dead until the hearts of its women are on the ground." I believe America is slowly dying as multitudes of women and children have had their hearts and spirits crushed, dashed to the ground by sexual abuse. The number of women and child victims of sexual assault in the United States is overwhelming: According to the statistics of RAINN (the largest U.S. anti-assault organization) every 107 seconds an American age 12 or older is sexually assaulted, which if you are doing your math, come to 17.7 million women a year. As for children, one in every four girls will be a victim of sexual abuse.

In addition to these alarming statistics, the prosecution of sexual crime reflects a dismal picture. Often, the victim of a rape find herself being the accused one, questioned about her sexual behavior, which is partially why 68% of rape cases are never reported to police. Of the cases that are reported and the perpetrator arrested, 98% of rapists never spend a day in jail.

I wonder what happened to good, old-fashioned chivalry where women and children go in the boats first. Not only in our country but all over the world women and children are being devalued, relegated to second class citizenship or worse, due to rampant physical and sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse has come to the forefront in recent years by the scandal of Catholic priests accused of pedophile behavior. More recently, Great Britain's Prince Andrew was accused of having sex with an under-age sex slave. Add to this the viewing of child pornography on the internet which has become a major addiction.

Attorney General Eric Holder Jr. addressed the issue of child pornography at his 2011 address in San Jose, California, stating, "Unfortunately, we've seen a historic rise in the distribution of child pornography, in the number of images being shared online, and in the level of violence associated with child exploitation and sexual abuse crimes." As mentioned in my book, "Stepping Outside the Secrets," this struck close to home when I discovered that my next door neighbor's computer was filled with disgusting child pornography. I reported it to the police but they did nothing about it telling me they were after the "bigger fish," those individuals who were creating the pornographic websites.

At one period of my life I spent a great deal of time with traditional Native American families and was impressed with how much respect they showed toward their children and elders. They had their priorities straight. When a nation loses its moral compass by objectifying and sexualizing its women and children, things "go south." It is time to speak out against these atrocities and take a stand. One by one we can light a candle and stand on the side of justice and moral integrity. And, we can pray: God save the women, children and nation!

BILL COSBY, PRINCE ANDREW AND BILL CLINTON

Not only has accusations about Bill Cosby's sexual abuse hit the news lately, we now have claims that Britain's Prince Andrew bedded an underage girl.  Bill Clinton's name has also been thrown into the arena along with Prince Andrew's because both attended sex parties with underage girls hosted by kinky billionaire Jeffrey Epstein, a convicted pedophile.

Cosby and Prince Andrew have refused to address the charges as they hide under the cloak of the "rich and famous." It seems that if men have connections, power or money they are immune from prosecution. They can stand up, lie and blatantly feign their innocence portraying themselves as the victim. Clinton's behavior in the Monica Lewinsky case clearly illustrates this point.

When will justice be served for the sexually abused children, underage girls (sex slaves) and women in our society? Why do they have to suffer the indignity of not only being sexually abused but then being doubted and shamed for coming forward?  I ask Prince Andrew and Bill Cosby to stand up to the accusations, and if true, admit their guilt and ask for forgiveness. We are all human and make mistakes but usually are forgiven if we admit our guilt and change our behavior. These women and children deserve to have the truth spoken so they can heal and move on with their lives. Remember Prince Andrew, Bill Cosby and President Clinton (and all the sexually abusive men out there)that the "truth will set you free."

Bill Cosby and Sexual Abuse

With all the women coming forward to claim  they were sexually abused by Bill Cosby, I think it is time to address this important issues. One in every four women will be sexually abused sometime in their life. I am one of those woman! I was sexually abused by my father, a neighbor, two priests, a dentist and two bosses. My story is in the book "Stepping Outside the Secrets: A Spiritual Journey from Sexual Abuse to Inner Peace."

For many years I held the secret of my abuse locked tight in my heart, just like the women who were abused by Cosby. Now is the time for women to step out and share those painful, hidden secrets so they can heal. Often we don't tell anyone for we carry the guilt rather than the perpetrator. Complete healing cannot take place unless we come to the realization that we are the victims. I urge women who have been sexually abused as a child or adult to come forward, share the story of your abuse with others, be it your partner, a parent, a friend, therapist, pastor or rabbi. Break the secret and free yourself.