STEPPING OUTSIDE THE SECRETS

There is a saying that we are only as sick as our secrets. Why is this so? Because often behind the secrets are feelings of blame and shame which keep one locked in a prison of personal pain, isolated and alone. We can't let others know who we truly are. Maybe we did something wrong or feel we are a bad person and worry about others disapproval. Or we might feel that we are "different" and if those close to us find out who we truly are they will not like us. Underlying these thoughts are fears of judgment and loss of love.

 I believe the real issue, however, is not so much about others judgment as it is about our own self judgment. Once we are able to accept ourselves, our humanity, warts and all, then we can step outside our secrets. I took that step when I wrote my book Stepping Outside the Secrets. I stopped blaming myself and opened up about all the sexual abuse I had experienced and how it affected my life and relationships. I owned the harm I had done to myself and others through my many dysfunctional relationships. In the process, I came to a greater understanding and acceptance of myself. I became free.

In the news lately we have heard stories from many women who claim they have been sexually abused by Bill Cosby. I am sure some of these women were ashamed to come forward (after all the alleged abuse occurred many years ago) but now they are doing so. They might have been afraid of public ridicule or disbelief if they came forward. Or possibly they were carrying some blame for the abuse as many sexually abused women do. But these women had the courage to break through their secrets and share them with the world.

And, what about Caitlyn Jenner (formerly Bruce Jenner). What courage it took for her and scores of other transgender individuals to share their secret. The same goes for celebrities and other famous people who have come out of the closet and admitted they were gay. All of these individuals are breaking out of the chains that bind them so they can be themselves and be free. Hopefully, they are discovering, as I have, that the truth shall indeed set us free.